You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
