so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
you had me at cake vodka
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize