i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
