allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
