I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
