You can't motorboat a personality
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
