some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
