What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
