I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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