wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
He felt like a one man threesome
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
