Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
