I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize