I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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