I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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