I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
