I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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