This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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