Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
