I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
