ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize