So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
ttyl tear gas
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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