Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
In America we eat man semen.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
