Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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