remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
dude. I can hear the air.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
