Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
