i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
