Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
