somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
