I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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