is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
