Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
