dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
