I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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