then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Found the puke drawer
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
