Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
