Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize