he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I FOUND THE LEGS
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
