i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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