Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
