you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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