Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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