i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
