I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
