She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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