I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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