do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
