I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
So many bounce houses so little time
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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