sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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