I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
