I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
You made out with two different species that night
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Randomize
