i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
