Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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