Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
MIDGETS
????
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
You're breaking my sexual little heart
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
