TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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