You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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