I'm going to jail i love you
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
her facebook's as public as her vagina
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
