I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
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