yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
