The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
