i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize