im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
