Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Boobs speak an international language.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I touched a dick in church today
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
