So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Non-Jews are for practice
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
