and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
