i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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