Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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