You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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