I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
