Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
