I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
That accounts for only three of the penises
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
