Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize