I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
His hands were made for my vagina.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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